Cor blimey, if you’re on the prowl and single as a pringle, you might find yourself in a romantic ruckus quicker than a cat on a hot tin roof. So don’t be a daft apeth, accept that invite to a wild weekend in Wales, you never know what might happen. Now, for those of you who’ve got a ring on it, remember, even if your in-laws are as charming as a two-headed cobra, spending a bit of time with them and doing a few favours can get you some serious brownie points with your better half. Remember, it takes less effort to make someone smile than it does to explain why you’re an absolute pillock. Now for your lucky charm: a pair of socks with holes in them. You might think they’re a rubbish gift, but they’re great for when you put your foot in it…and you will, you absolute plonker.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!