Before you spill your guts to your best chum, give a thought if they’ve got a gob as tight as a camel’s arse in a sandstorm. It’s a right laugh to have a natter, but be discerning when you’re picking your confidant. Some blokes would blabber your secrets to the next poor sod they bump into faster than a curry goes through your system. Lucky charm: A rubber duck. It’s as useful as a chocolate teapot for keeping secrets, but at least it won’t tell anyone, either.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!