Crikey, mate! You’re finally getting your head out of the sand, realising that your needs aren’t the same as that of a toddler’s. Suddenly, you’re all gung-ho about making your desires crystal clear, whether it’s about your dodgy job or your even dodgier mates. This new attitude of yours, serious as a funeral, is going to flip your life around like a pancake on Shrove Tuesday. Your lucky phrase for the day is “I’ve had a curry worse than this.” Use it when you’re faced with a sticky situation, it might just help you slide out of it with the grace of a greased up eel. Just remember, the phrase is a hoot and might just save your bacon, but it won’t do a thing about your breath.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!