The old wallet’s gonna squeal like a stuck pig, innit? You’re about to feel a right twinge of regret, like realising you’ve brought a knife to a gunfight, or a salad to a chip shop. You’re pondering the financial damage of these impending shindigs, and it’s about as appealing as a bald hedgehog in a beauty pageant. Now, don’t go getting your knickers in a twist, you tight git. It’s all ’bout being as sensible as a vicar in a lap dancing club, sussing out what won’t leave you skint and eating beans on toast for a month. If the thought of splashing out on a jolly with your mates has you clutching your purse strings tighter than a Scotsman in a strip club, then fear not. There’s cheaper ways to have a laugh that won’t leave your pockets emptier than a politician’s promises. Lucky tip: If you’re about to dip into your rainy day fund, remember that your lucky colour is red, just like the colour of your bank balance after a night out with the lads. But hey, at least you’ll match when you’re crying into your overdraft!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!