Right then, listen up. You’re about to whip out your memory box and play show and tell with life’s ups and downs. It’s all about playing the game, mate – and you’ve got a cheat sheet called experience. Remember that crusty old codger or that shrivelled-up auntie you’ve been avoiding? Yeah, well, they’re about to pop up like a bad rash. They’re after a chinwag that’s deeper than the Mariana Trench. You might feel like telling them to bugger off, but trust me, manners maketh the man… or woman… or whatever you identify as these days. Your lucky charm? It’s that half-eaten packet of crisps under your sofa. Who knows when the zombie apocalypse will hit and you’ll be needing that five-second rule snack? Plus, it’s got more layers than your life right now. Remember, darling, “Don’t be a muppet, always keep your cupboard stocked with crisps.” It’s not just a mantra, it’s a lifestyle.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!