Oh, darling, you’re harbouring a deep-seated hankering for a touch of ‘me-time’. It’s about time you put your feet up, sipped on a G&T and told the world to sod off. You’ve been running around like a blue-arsed fly, all eyes on the career ladder, haven’t you? Perhaps it’s time to pull a sickie, take a breather, or at the very least, delegate those piss-easy tasks that you’ve been lumbered with. And here’s a little lucky charm for you: a pair of fluffy slippers. Nothing screams ‘I’m off duty’ more than those cosy bastards. And remember, the only thing better than a day off is two days off. So, if anyone asks, you’ve got a contagious case of ‘can’t-be-arsed-itis’.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!