Listen up, darling! The grapevine’s been buzzing louder than a swarm of bees on speed. Change is coming, and it’s got more sequins than a drag queen at Pride. Don’t go gobbing off about it though, some of these gossip mongers have less substance than a Kardashian’s book club. They couldn’t tell their arse from their elbow, let alone reliable info from a load of old codswallop! So, keep your trap shut, and only listen to those who know their onions. Chances are they’re the ones who can tell you if it’s all a big pile of horse manure before you go spreading the muck around. Oh, and your lucky charm is a pair of knickers. Not just any old knickers, mind. I’m talking leopard print, high-waisted, granny bloomers. Wear them on your head for maximum effect. You’ll look like a right twit, but hey, it’s your lucky charm!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!