Right, you daft muppet. Just take a breather, a wee moment to yourself, yeah? Find yourself a quiet corner away from the hustle and bustle and use your nut for once, will you? Have a good chinwag with yourself to see if you’re actually on the right track, or just bumbling about like a headless chicken. Feeling a bit hemmed in, are you? Fancy a bit more freedom? Well, you can’t just flap your wings and fly off like a bird, mate. You’re gonna need a plan, ain’t you? And not some half-arsed, cobbled together one. A proper, thought-out plan to leg it from your current drama. And for your lucky charm, try a four-leaf clover. But knowing your luck, you’ll probably find a three-leaf one and trip over a rabbit hole. Enjoy your trip, Alice!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!