Listen up, darling! Your mates are about to cause more drama than a drag queen with a broken heel. They’re hanging on you like a bad smell, and let me tell you, it’s high time you started using your ‘no’ like a celebrity uses botox. It’s tough, especially with those sad-eyed old chums who’ve been around longer than your granny’s knickers. But listen, sweetie, boundaries are more important than a diet on the first week of January. You can’t be everyone’s shoulder to cry on, you’re not a bloody Kleenex! You’ve got to grab life by the scruff, tell it you’re not its mum, and that it can’t come running to you every time it grazes its knee. Now, for your lucky tidbit: Your lucky item is a feather. A big, bold, peacock feather. Now, I’m not saying you should strut around like a peacock, but remember, darling, confidence is key – and a bit of showing off never hurt anyone… well, except for that bloke who tried to show off by downing a pint in one go. He’s still trying to find his dignity at the bottom of that glass…

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!