Crikey, if you ain’t the cat’s pyjamas, the bee’s knees, the dog’s bollocks! Spotlight’s on you, mate, whether you like it or not. Some berks from the top floor have taken a shining to you. They’re eyeballing you like a kebab after a night on the lash. You’ve got this uncanny knack of turning a right dog’s dinner into a tea party. You’re like Mary Poppins on steroids, pulling everyone’s talents out of your bag of tricks, making a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. You’re the peacekeeper in a family feud, the UN in a domestic dispute. Now, take a butcher’s at your lucky charm – it’s a teapot. Yes, you heard it right. A bloody teapot, mate. Why? Because even in a tempest, you’ve got to keep your kettle on. Remember, “A watched pot never boils,” but an unwatched one is a bloody fire hazard!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!