Listen up, pet, some wrinkly old codger or crone in your life is going to drop a golden nugget of wisdom on you. Ignore it at your peril, unless you fancy being as successful as a chocolate teapot. Keep that impulsive little beast in your head, that’s always clamouring for attention like a spoilt princess, on a short leash. You’re going to need the patience of a saint when it comes to your travel lark. Expect more cock-ups than a hen party at a Chippendales show. You’ll be left scratching your noggin, wondering if it wouldn’t have been better to just stay home and watch the telly. By the way, your lucky item this week is a rusty horseshoe. Not because it’s lucky, mind you, but because you can throw it at the next pillock who annoys you. Now that’s what I call a lucky strike!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!