Listen up, you muppet! Try to keep that gob of yours shut, especially when you’re itching like a flea-ridden dog to spill the beans. Have a good old chinwag with yourself about the value of your so-called mates. If they’re worth more than a soggy chip butty to you, putting some effort into your nattering could save you from a right old Barney Rubble. And for your lucky charm, try a silver tongue. Might stop you from sticking your foot in your mouth. And remember, it’s no good if it’s up your arse. It has to be in your shoe.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!