Well, well, well, you’re carrying on more secret business than a rat with a gold tooth in a jewelry shop. Your bonce is so chock-a-block with private matters, it’s like a bloomin’ Swiss bank vault in there. You’re trying to shake ’em off like a bad case of fleas, but those pesky thoughts are clinging tighter than a cheap toupee in a gale. You’re about as likely to cheer up as a turkey the week before Christmas. Lucky charm: A rabbit’s foot. Not so lucky for the rabbit, but hey, it’s dog eat dog out there. Just remember, if the rabbit had been so lucky, it would still be attached to the rest of him.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!