Right, listen up, love. No matter how much you might be going about crying into your crumpets over the state of things, it’s about time you realised that going with the flow is the only way you’re getting out of this mess. You’ve been cooking up some grand plans, haven’t you? Dreaming of swapping your dodgy flat for a Kensington palace – well, you might just have to pull up your socks and face a few bumpy roads to get there. And remember, your lucky charm today is a bloody spoon. You might think, “Why a spoon, you cheeky sod?” Well, let’s just say it’ll help when you need to stir up some trouble or dig yourself out of the shit.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!