Seems like you’ve spent less quality time with your other half lately than a vegan at a barbecue. If you can’t even remember the colour of their eyes, it might be time to knock off the telly, push your pint aside, and get stuck in some proper chinwag with them. You’ve got more to catch up on than a snail in a sprint race, and you might find there’s a good bit of fun to be had in those old pastimes you’ve both neglected like a red-headed stepchild. Your lucky item this week is a calendar, so you can finally organise your time and stop treating your partner like the leftovers at Sunday roast. And remember: the calendar’s days are numbered… much like your patience, I’d wager!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!