Get your bloomin’ binoculars out, darling, because today you’ve got to scrutinise the mug of your mate or colleague. If they’re throwing a wobbly, it’s about as subtle as a bull in a china shop. Thinking about spilling the beans? Stick a sock in it, unless you’re nattering with someone who wouldn’t know an office from a bingo hall. And for heaven’s sake, quit dredging up past cock-ups like they’re EastEnders reruns. It’s as helpful as a chocolate teapot and it’ll get you as far as a granny on a skateboard. A lucky charm for you? How about a rubber duck. Yeah, you read it right, a flippin’ rubber duck. They say it floats above all the rubbish, like you, love. Except when it’s getting a bit personal in the bath, of course.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!