Well, darling, it seems like you’ve been carrying on with a mate who’s as reliable as a chocolate teapot in a heatwave. Finally, you’re about to give them the old heave-ho, and not a moment too soon. You’ve been trying to patch up this sinking ship of a friendship, but let’s face it, it’s about as fruitful as teaching a cat to tap dance. When this so-called chum consistently shows the dependability of a politician’s promise, it’s time to stop forgiving them like they’re some sort of saint with a minor kleptomania issue. It matters, love. Your lucky phrase for the day is: “A leopard can’t change its spots, but you can change your bloody friends.” Remember, it’s about as useful as a chocolate fireguard, but it’ll give you a giggle.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!