Oh blimey, you poor sod! Your day is about to go tits up, love. Thought you’d be swanning about, did you? You’re about to be up to your neck in the sort of bollocks that someone else usually handles. You’re in for a right dog’s dinner of a day. And here’s the kicker, everyone around you is going to be as grateful as a fox in a hen house. Brace yourself, darling! Your lucky charm for the day? A broomstick. Why? Because you’ll need it to sweep up the mess of your day! And remember, even a blind squirrel finds a nut sometimes.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!