Brace yourself! Your bunkmate’s about to dig up some ancient, fossilised issue you thought was long buried with the dinosaurs. The cheeky sod’s timing is as smooth as sandpaper on your backside, guaranteed to ruffle your feathers and have you squawking like a parrot on hot coals. But, hold your horses, don’t get your knickers in a twist. It might be worth letting them flap their gums for a bit. You might find their views now sound as reasonable as a sober bloke at a pub quiz. And here’s a bit of advice, as reliable as a chocolate teapot. Your lucky item for the day is a pair of earplugs. It’s a tad rude to shove them in while your mate’s talking, but at least it’ll keep you from hearing any more of their bollocks!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!