If you’re feeling like you’re stuck in a lift with a full-blown brass band, it’s time to naff off inside your noggin for a bit of peace and quiet. A bit of spiritual mumbo jumbo could do wonders, mate. You might find yourself up to your eyeballs in zen, and those pesky irritations that used to get your knickers in a twist? They’ll start to seem as important as a chocolate teapot. You’ll start to see the silver lining in what you once thought were clouds full of rain, or even worse, bird poo. And for a touch of luck, try singing “I’m a Little Teapot” backwards while standing on one leg. It’s your lucky charm for the day, and it’ll have you pissing yourself laughing. Or maybe that’s just the incontinence kicking in.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!