Surround yourself with cheery buggers, will ya? Their giddy spirits will bloody well light a fire under your arse and show you the way out of the deepest shit creek. Have a wee bit of faith in the Universe’s never-ending freebies, and you’ll see 2025 might just flip your life around like a bloody pancake. And remember, your lucky phrase is “Bob’s your uncle!” – though if Bob actually is your uncle, it might explain a lot about your life choices, wouldn’t it?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!