Darling, the harder you’re pushing your opinions, the more people are looking like you’ve just announced you’re marrying your goldfish. I mean, you can’t seem to string two words together without it coming across as Sanskrit gibberish. Push any harder, sweetheart, and you’ll have folks suspecting you’re a few sandwiches short of a picnic. At the end of the day, don’t bother explaining yourself – it’s like trying to teach quantum physics to a hamster. Your lucky phrase is “I’m not as think as you drunk I am.” Use it when you’ve had one too many gin and tonics and see if anyone notices. And if they do, just say it’s your lucky phrase. It’s a hoot, promise.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!