Righto, mate, listen up because the cosmos has got a right old laugh for you today. Your whopping great talent for handling shambles is about to get its moment in the spotlight. Whereas the rest of the numpties will be running around like headless chickens, you’ll be there with a plan, like a boss. Not that you’re some sort of superhero, mind. More like the only one with a shred of common sense in a sea of plonkers. Now, as for your lucky charm. It’s a rubber duck. Yes, you heard me right, a rubber duck. Don’t give me that look! It’s not as daft as it sounds, I swear. It’s a symbol of your ability to stay afloat, no matter how choppy the waters might get. Plus, it’s hilarious to see people’s faces when you whip it out in a crisis. Now, go out and show ’em all how it’s bloody well done!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!