Christmas has had you run ragged, hasn’t it? You’re more knackered than a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest. The only solace you find is in your humble abode, like an overworked bobby finding refuge in a quaint tea shop. You’re so obsessed with order, you’d organise a fart in a lift. You’re about to embark on a clean-up mission rivalling Mary Poppins on speed. Brace yourself for some grumbling, ’cause there’s bound to be more whinging than a room full of Piers Morgans. Here’s a lucky charm for you: A feather duster. ‘Cause if the dust doesn’t scare them off, you can always tickle them into submission. You’re welcome!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!