Blimey, love, you’re in for a right cock-up if you don’t put on your best patience pants with your other half and those dodgy pals of yours. There’s a wheelbarrow full of chances to have everyone eating out of your hand, but you’d better not bugger it up by acting like a bull in a china shop. Keep a stiff upper lip and all that rubbish. Now, don’t get your knickers in a twist about that new jobby of yours. Step off on the right brogue, and pretend to give a monkey’s about what the rest of the office drones think. Let ’em feel like their two pennies are worth a quid, even if you couldn’t give a toss. Oh, and here’s a bit of luck for you: your lucky colour is puce. That’s right, puce. It’s about as lucky as finding a tenner in a pile of cow dung, but who knows? It might just be the charm you need to keep from stepping in it.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!