Some mad bugger with a wonky view on life might toss you a pearl of wisdom. Instead of giving them the bird, why not humour the eccentric sod? Learn to bend over backwards, you stubborn mule, and you might find that making a tough call is a piece of piss when you’re not so bloody single-minded. In the spirit of luck, remember to keep an old horseshoe about. Best place for it? Right up your arse, mate. It’s said to bring good fortune and it’ll certainly give you a new perspective on comfort.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!