Before you go off flapping your gums to the public, take a moment to sort your brain box out, will you? A slideshow might be a good shout – a bit of eye candy to distract the poor sods you’re about to bore to tears. And don’t forget to throw out some titbits of information in between the pretty pictures. This way, you can avoid being called a total windbag by your so-called mates. Here’s your lucky charm for today, darling: a pair of clown shoes. Because honestly, if you’re going to make a fool of yourself, you might as well look the part!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!