“Listen up, you cheeky devil, building a sturdy ego is the best bloody gift you can give to your sorry self. Like a DIY Ikea flat-pack, but with the instructions in bloody Sanskrit. Knowledge, that elusive beast, is the key to a career that isn’t spent flipping burgers or cleaning the loo. So, pull up your pants and get cracking. Now, don’t you dare throw shade on those who’ve got their qualifications. They’ve spent more hours than you’ve spent on the loo, to get those fancy letters after their name. So, put on your big boy pants and take a leaf out of their book, you might just become less of a nincompoop. With a bit of grit and a smidge of attention, you might even get a certificate that isn’t for ‘participation’.” Lucky Charm: “Your lucky charm, you ask? I’d suggest a good old-fashioned horseshoe. But knowing your luck, you’d probably end up with a horse’s arse instead. Now wouldn’t that be a laugh?”

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!