If you’re swanning about solo and gagging for a bit of crumpet, simply dreaming of a pash won’t have the blokes or birds knocking at your door, you silly sausage. Instead of moping around like a wet weekend, why not plan a knees-up with your mates or throw caution to the wind and surf the internet for a bit of online love-roulette? You could even have a gander at a workshop, lecture or seminar, you might pick up more than just knowledge, you cheeky devil. Or perhaps it’s high time you stopped ignoring that neighbour who’s been giving you the eye. And here’s your lucky tip: if you’re feeling really brave, try wearing red underwear. It’s said to bring luck in love. But remember, it’s no good if you keep them on all week; you’re aiming for romance, not a rash.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!