Listen here, love, your schemes are best kept locked up tighter than the queen’s jewels right now. Dragging in other nosy parkers will only put a spanner in your works, as each of ’em will be chuffing out their own opinions, and the last thing you need is to be trapped in a chinwag longer than a royal wedding. That flashy mate of yours who’s landed themselves in the limelight will receive a clap louder than thunder from a curry night. Lucky item: A pair of rubber gloves. And no, not for anything unsavoury, you filthy minded lot! These are for handling all the bullsh*t you’ll have to deal with today.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!