Blimey, it seems like you’ve been nominated as the Bank of England for one of your dear ones who’s about as good with their dosh as a one-legged duck in a piranha pond. They’re skint, you’re minted, and now you’re going to be a tad lighter in your pockets – not exactly what one hopes for after a mug of morning tea, innit? Keep your gob shut for now, there’s no need to transform into a know-it-all financial guru. That can wait for another day, preferably when they’ve regained their hearing. Would they even bother to listen? That’s as likely as finding a vegetarian shark, mate. And here’s your lucky bit: Your lucky item is a two-pound coin. Keep one in your pocket, it might stop you from becoming a walking, talking ATM. Just remember, it’s about as magical as a unicorn’s fart, so don’t count on it for any actual financial miracles.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!