Well, darling, you’ve landed in a cushy little spot today, haven’t you? Feels as cosy as an old granny’s bloomers, and that’s saying something. You’re darting about in places that would make a Debenhams sales bin feel green with envy. And the do’s you’re attending? Oh, the humanity! There ain’t a cat in hell’s chance of a barney, not with this bunch of delightful miscreants. They’re as lovely as a wet weekend in Skegness, and twice as thrilling. So, you can kick back, prop your trotters up, and guzzle down the ambience like a pint of warm lager. As for your work, well, you’re enjoying it more than a bulldog chewing a wasp. Genuine connections are being made left, right and centre – with your mates, your work chums, even that weird cousin twice removed. Who’d have thought it? Lucky charm for the day? A used teabag, because just like you, it’s been steeped in hot water, squeezed to within an inch of its life, and still manages to leave a good taste in the mouth. Remember, darling, one person’s teabag is another person’s treasure. And as Joan Rivers would say, “I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.”

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!