Oi, mate, you’re getting a nudge from the cosmos to remember there’s more to life than scoffing crisps in front of the telly. You’ve got to put some elbow grease into building a proper bond. You know, that thing you’ve been avoiding like an overdue dental appointment? It might just save you from an emotional kick in the bollocks when you realise you’ve been as understood as a pig doing algebra. And, who knows, you might even avoid feeling more neglected than a salad at a chip shop. Now, for your lucky charm: a toothbrush. Because, love, with all the rubbish you’ve been spouting lately, you’re going to need something to clean your mouth out. Funny thing is, it might just make your words a bit more palatable too.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!