Hey love, quit eyeballing your mate’s shiny new motor or your neighbour’s double-decker mansion and feeling like you’re skint. That posh git might be up to their eyeballs in debt, and you wouldn’t know it. It’s like a bloody pissing contest with no winner, innit? If you’re feeling the pinch, resist the siren call of retail therapy. Don’t be like a moth to a flame with a bloody credit card, it will only end in tears, and not the kind we like on a Sunday night reality show. Your lucky charm? A moth-eaten wallet – it’s as useful for keeping money in as a chocolate teapot, but it might stop you spending what you haven’t got! And remember, it’s not the size of the wallet, but the depth of the pocket that counts, if you catch my drift.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!