Listen here, love, you’re knocking about like a skint pigeon on a chip hunt when it comes to your health and daily doings. It’s bloody critical you snag a full eight-hour snooze-fest every night. Don’t you dare let work and play tip the scales like an over-eager butcher at the meat counter, and get some decent grub inside you. If you’re feeling more drained than a whiskey bottle at a wake, don’t you dare brush it off. Your vim and vigour will make or break your ongoing ventures, just like a cheap thong in a pole-dancing class. Lucky tip for you: ‘A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.’ So, if you’ve got a bird in your hand, you’re either a bird whisperer or you’ve been up to some weird shenanigans in the park. Either way, lucky you!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!