Right, listen up sunshine, here’s your bloody horoscope. You’re going to have a chinwag or stick your neb in somewhere and realise that your so-called mate is about as reliable as a chocolate teapot. They’ve been pulling the wool over your eyes and pretending to be more honest than a vicar on Sunday. Well, the truth is going to pop out, probably at the most inconvenient time like a fart in a lift. And as for work, you’ve got someone there who’s more backstabbing than a contestant on Love Island. They’ve got all the charm of a pub toilet and would sell their own nan for a bag of chips. Keep your peepers peeled, mate. Oh, and here’s a lucky tip: Don’t eat yellow snow. Not sure how it’ll help you but it’s good advice nonetheless.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!