Blimey, you’ve got to face the facts, mate, even if they’re as ugly as a bulldog chewin’ on a wasp. You’ve had a few suspicions, ain’t ya? But you’ve been dilly-dallying, like a nancy boy at a rugby match. But now, it’s time to pull up your big boy pants and make decisions, even if they’re a bit dodgy. There’s a mate of yours, ready to back you up, even if it’s like a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest. Now here’s your lucky charm, sunshine: A three-legged toad. Not the most appealing, is it? But who are we to judge? Even a toad can get lucky on a Saturday night.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!