Blimey, you’ve got more leeches clinging on to you than a blood bank on a Saturday night! They’re all sucking the life out of you, expecting you to be some sort of wizard, aren’t they? And the job’s no better, the pressure’s mounting like a randy rabbit at a bunny orgy! But, oh wait! There’s a shining light in this pit of despair, your better half! They get it, they really do! They’re the only one who can see through the layers of crap you’re buried under. Maybe it’s about time you showed them a bit of love, eh? Whisk ’em off to a fancy eatery tonight, give them a bit of the ol’ wining and dining. Just remember, if you’re expecting a bit of the ‘nudge nudge, wink wink’ afterwards, don’t take them to a curry house, unless you enjoy playing Russian roulette with your bowels! Oh, and your lucky item? A cork. Might help with that potential curry situation, plus it’s a great conversation starter if the date goes tits up!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!