Well, look at you lovebirds, cooing away like a pair of pigeons who’ve just discovered they’ve been shacking up in the same birdhouse. You’re so chuffed with your newfound soulmate, you’re practically glowing like a Chernobyl survivor. It’s all ‘ooh, aren’t we the perfect pair’ – don’t make me sick up my breakfast, will ya? And then there’s this new workmate, who’s about as subtle as a sledgehammer. You reckon they’ve got the ‘gift’ because they told you to buy a lottery ticket on a Wednesday? Please, I’ve got a pet goldfish with more psychic ability. But hey, perhaps their brand of codswallop is just your cup of tea. Could be the start of a thrilling chumship, or it could be the start of the most tedious conversation you’ll ever have. Either way, brace yourself for a wild ride. Lucky mantra for the day? “I’m not as think as you drunk I am.” It’s as nonsensical as your love life, but with the right amount of gin, it might just make sense. Or at least it’ll give you a good giggle.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!