You’re gallivanting about like a headless chicken, not giving a toss about the fallout, aren’t ya? Any chance of pulling something decent off has gone out the window – it’s a complete dog’s dinner. You’re dreaming of a personal triumph, but love, you’ve got the focus of a goldfish, the determination of a sloth, and the discipline of a donkey on the lash. A daft decision will only set you up for a fall, you absolute muppet. Clear off the flimflam and stop being a right old curtain-twitcher. Lucky tip: Try wearing a rabbit’s foot around your neck. It didn’t do much for the rabbit, but hey, maybe you’ll have better luck.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!