Oi, listen up, you wobbling jellyfish, before you go signing any old rag that’s been shoved under your nose. Hold your horses and put the kettle on, let’s have a chinwag about it first. You’re about as sure as a squirrel on a skateboard, and we don’t want you to make a dog’s dinner out of it now, do we? It might look like a golden goose, but it could turn out to be a right pig in a poke, more trouble than a one-legged man in a bum-kicking contest! Lucky charm: A four-leaf clover. But mind you, finding one is about as likely as spotting a nun in a bikini. Good luck with that!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!