Blimey, that situation of yours is causing more upheaval than a curry night at the pub, ain’t it? Your sleep’s scarcer than hen’s teeth and it’s about time you put a stop to this nonsense. Your top priority, my friend, should be to secure a gaff that’s more stable than a Buckingham Palace guard. Imagine your dream pad, whether it’s a cosy little cottage in the Cotswolds or a swanky penthouse in London. Keep that picture in your noggin’ and trust the bloody thing’s on its way to you, like a pint sliding down the bar. Keep your peepers peeled and your spirits high – you’re about to find a property so fancy you could rent or buy it, and it’ll make Buckingham Palace look like a rundown B&B! As for your lucky charm, let’s make it a teapot – because, let’s face it, everything’s better after a good cuppa. And remember, the only time you should ever look down on someone is if you’re helping them up…or if they’re passed out on the floor after one too many at the pub.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!