Cor blimey, your love life is buzzing like a fridge on its last legs, isn’t it? Instead of sitting around with your knickers in a twist, hoping your other half will miraculously morph into Prince Charming, how about you put some elbow grease into sprucing up your own life? You know, like a bit of self-love, and no, I don’t mean that kind, you cheeky sod! Start treating yourself like a prized poodle at Crufts, and you might just inspire those around you to do the same. Who knows, your partner might even start to find you more exciting than the football and the beer fridge. Just imagine, you could end up being the reason they get off the sofa – now wouldn’t that be a bloody miracle? And here’s your lucky little tidbit: your lucky number is 7, just like the amount of hours you should dedicate to yourself, and not to your partner’s whims. Seven hours of ‘me-time’ – sounds like a dream, right? Well, wake up, love, and start living it! But remember, if they ask what you’re up to, just tell them it’s your new fitness regime, ’cause, you know, lying on the couch, watching telly and eating crisps counts as mental gymnastics.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!