Listen up, luv, you�ve got a tax bill coming that’s about as welcome as a fart in a lift. But don�t pull a face like a smacked arse. Think of it as your hard-earned dosh helping out someone whose luck’s run out faster than a vicar in a brothel. So, stop sulking like a teenager who�s been told to clean their room. Chin up, buttercup! This could be the kick up the arse that leads to something so lucrative, even Queen Liz herself would be green with envy. Now, your lucky charm is a shiny penny. Yes, I know, the irony isn’t lost on me either. But remember, find a penny pick it up, all day long you�ll have� well, a bloody penny. But in your case, it might just be the start of a new financial empire!

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!