Blimey, you’ve been running about like a blue-arsed fly for everyone else, haven’t you? Well, it’s about time you shoved all that aside and put yourself front and centre, like a streaker at a football match. Maybe you fancy yourself as a bit of an academic and want to enroll in a study course, or perhaps you’re set on becoming the next Alan Sugar with your own business. Or maybe, just maybe, you want to start a hobby, like knitting or, I don’t know, competitive squirrel wrestling. Sure, there might be a few bumps along the way, but you’ll handle ’em just like you handle your tequila shots – grimacing, but ultimately getting through it. And remember, growth isn’t just for things in your vegetable patch, darling. Lucky charm: A pair of lucky pants. Wear ’em inside out to confuse the universe, and remember to change them occasionally, you dirty bugger.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!