Right, listen up, chum. The key to your success ain’t your charming mug or your sparkling wit, but rather the fact that you’re being propped up by some old hands who actually know what they’re doing. So, when one of these silver foxes graces you with a nugget of wisdom, do yourself a favour and don’t stick it in one ear and out the other. Their advice will help you dodge stepping onto any banana skins. And for goodness sake, don’t forget to name-drop the blighter who gave it to you. Acknowledge them by name, you ungrateful git. And here’s a little tip for you: If you find a four-leaf clover, don’t just stick it in your pocket and forget about it. That’s your lucky charm, you numpty. Wear it like a badge of honour, or better yet, stick it in your hat. It’ll give you the necessary luck to avoid making a complete fool of yourself. And wouldn’t that be a bloody miracle?

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!