Oi, you pompous twit! Fancy yourself a bit of a know-it-all, do ya? Well, here’s a bit of advice: shove your ego in the bin, pull your head out of your arse, and lend an ear to the other bellends around you. You might just stumble across a solution that doesn’t involve you being a total prat. And for God’s sake, put a cork in it before you blurt out the first bit of bollocks that pops into your head. Give it a tick, chew over your words, then maybe, just maybe, you won’t sound like a complete div. And here’s your lucky nugget for the day: every dog has its day. So, don’t fret if you don’t get your way, you ain’t the Queen. Besides, you could do with a bit of humility. It might just keep you from stepping on your own willy next time.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!