Listen, darling, if you’d stop being a constant misery and let your charming personality out of the cage for once, you might find you’re not doing the tango with two left feet when it comes to getting along with your mates and neighbours. So, put on your big-kid knickers, flash a smile that doesn’t resemble a bulldog chewing a wasp, and you might just find people won’t treat you like you’ve got the plague. And if you’re planning on begging a favour off someone, don’t go around with a face like a smacked arse, love. You’re about as likely to get what you want as a vegan in a butcher’s shop. Oh, and here’s a little tip for you: your lucky item today is a clown nose. So, why not wear one all day? It might just distract people from your personality.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!