Listen up, sweetheart, some bigwig’s about to sniff around your to-do list – with any luck, they’ve got more sense than a blind mole in a maze. This might just be your day to stop being the office teabag – constantly in hot water and never appreciated. That dream job you’ve been drooling over? It’s closer than a nosy neighbour over a garden fence. They’re just about ready to roll out the red carpet for you, darling. So, put on your fanciest knickers and be ready to jump headfirst into the madness. You might be shaking like a dog shitting pebbles, but don’t let that deter you, love. Oh, and one more thing: your lucky charm for the day is a pair of Spanx. Why? Because they’ll keep everything in check when you’re about to crap yourself from excitement.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!