Right, listen up love. Today ain’t the day to be plotting your next grand escape to Benidorm. Keep your suitcase zipped up and your wallet stashed away till you’ve got a crystal clear picture of your bank balance, alright? Life’s about as calm as a cat in a cucumber patch and your decision-making skills are about as sharp as a bowling ball, particularly when you’re playing the people-pleaser. It’s like trying to organise a piss up in a brewery, ain’t it? So for now, forget about gallivanting around the globe. And here’s your lucky charm, darling: A pair of knickers. Why, you ask? Well, in the unlikely event you do find yourself on a plane, they’ll come in handy when the in-flight meal hits. Trust me, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Come back tomorrow for another exciting horoscope!